Have you ever hit someone? I don’t mean a slap. Only boys who abuse people and girls who can’t fight slap. I mean squeezed your little knuckles and let someone know you’re fucking serious.
Sometimes you don’t have a choice. Sometimes there is a someone who drags it out of you. They beg for it like it’s the only thing they’ve ever really wanted out of life. So you give it to them. They always act surprised afterward.
I live in this little room called an “apartment”. I might have mentioned that before but I’m not going to look through my other reports and check. They usually build up instead of out on the Surface. It’s so weird. I’m used to going up or down when I want. I climbed on the outside of the building to get to my little spot in it the other day and the “landlord” (I think that’s what they call him) got all pissed off. He said I was scaring the others. I…didn’t hit him. I gave him my cutest smile. I went inside. I turned on “Daddy” by Hail Seizures and I let it play at full volume. On repeat. For an hour.
I jumped and I screamed and I broke some of my stuff. Did you know you can make your own drum set out of a table and the legs of a chair? You totally can. The lady beneath me hit the floor a lot. I think she was trying to join in.
Because fuck him. There’s no one up here to show me how shit is done. I have to figure it out on my own. Everyone up here is really territorial about their shit. They act like everyone they see is a thief or a thug. It’s hard to not feel alone. Then it’s hard not to like being alone. You down there in the Warren won’t even let me go find the others like me up here. So if you’re panicking that I’m not hiding well enough then you only have yourselves to blame.
It’s not actually an issue anymore. He put a piece of paper on my door. The paper had big words on the top of it. “E-v-i-c-t-i-o-n Notice.” I’ve never seen that first word before. Do we even use it in the Warren? I know it has something to do with wanting me to leave. The rest of the paper said so. I decided to take the high road and give him what he was asking for – me leaving and my fist in his jaw.